Journaling

I see the tear-stained pages

I read the heart-wrung words

I feel the overwhelming emotion

I re-live the never-ending days 

A journal

A safe place to salve the soul

To search out the whys and whats of the heart

A dumping ground for words that have…need

To be spoken

Quietly

Angrily

Noisily

In secret

Vomited all over a page

Wildly written

Scattered thoughts

Scratched out in pain

I see the words

From the past four years

And I wonder…

Has there been any forward movement

Any troop advance

On this singular war against addiction

Any small victory

To be claimed by my Prodigal

The pages

Tell the story

Relapse being a part of recovery

Of being necessary (not always but usually)

To gain ultimate victory

Or so the experts claim…

Walking with a girlfriend yesterday

With us from the beginning

Her name appearing on many of the pages

Her presence felt throughout

Her kindness touching us

In numerous ways

An encouraging word

A meaningful touch

A thoughtful deed

She reminds me of this theory

That relapse is often part of the story

Over and over again

Until they ‘get’ it

I tell her what I’ve been ruminating …

Rehearsing…

That my Prodigal has to ‘want to get well’

She nods agreement…

Offers up a reassuring smile

I tell her

I wrestle with God

For meaning

She reminds me of Job

His struggle…his search

For meaning

For the truth of his predicament

We walk

We talk

We review

We conclude

Trust God

Have faith

Believe

That He…and He alone

Holds the answers

For my Prodigal’s recovery

For my Recovery

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6