August 26th

Numb

I awake this morning numb. 

Sheer shock dissipating in exchange for a numbness.

 

Fitful sleep…I jolt fast awake…I remember.

My body….full of pins and needle sensations.

My mind like a race car doing 0 – 60mph in less than 5 seconds.

My internal engine revving…

The cylinders and pistons all moving at uber speed.

I remember.

I grieve.

I lament.

My mind wants to forget.

My body won’t let it.

It is here I stand at a crossroads.

An accepting of what was…

For what is.

I move through the stages of grief.

The loss taking its toll.

The Coach asks, “how long will it last?”

“I don’t know”…I reply.

It is an internal processing of the sadness.

A sorting out of sorts…

Trying to make sense of it all?

Or not.

Submitting to the pain of my circumstances?

or

humbly submitting to the One who holds my circumstances in the palm of His righteous right hand.